Provider vs. Provision

Over the past six months, I have been seeking God as my Provider, as Jehovah Jireh. Or so I thought.

Friday evening, Tyler was in a car accident in a pretty rough neighborhood near our home. It was a drama filled hit and run accident. Thank God, he is just fine! Our car however, looks a little more beat up....

It was about this time last year that we were in the market for a new car. Why? Because in May of 2011, Tyler's SUV was stolen and stripped while we were out of town. 

We had no idea how we were going to replace it, since we did not have comprehensive insurance coverage on the vehicle. A junk yard bought the SUV for the scrap metal and parts, for just over $400. And up to this point, we had not been saving for a car-- we had 2 cars that were doing just fine. So, one car down and no help from insurance. What an unpleasant surprise! So, we prayed and asked God to give us what we needed with the upcoming school year, and us needing to be in two different places (one car didn't seem do-able). We invited others to pray for us as well. We did not ask anyone for financial assistance with the matter. 

As people began to respond, not just with prayer, but with financial assistance, we couldn't help but give God all the praise! He was providing us the money we needed to buy a used car! In less than 3 months, God had brought in enough for us to buy a 2007 Hyundai Elantra -- and what a beauty!!

I was certain that God was receiving my gratitude and praise for providing us with this car. Until Friday night. It was a bizarre realization... but I was deeply convicted. I don't put all my trust in the Provider, but rather what He provides. And what He provides, is His -- He can take it away just as quick as He gave it! Well, that hurt to come to terms with, but also very freeing.

Now, in the season of raising financial support alongside Tyler, as we prepare to move to New Jersey for our first assignment in full-time ministry together, I can seek to not put my hope in the finances God provides, but in who He is as Jehovah Jireh, my Provider!

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;  may the name of the Lord be praised.” - Job 1:21

Fast Forward

On occasion, I find myself daydreaming about what my tomorrows will look like.... sometimes I fast forward my life and think about how my family will grow-- will Tyler and I have children? how many children will we have? will we be able to have children of our own? will we adopt? Other times I catch myself fantasizing about where I will live in the future-- will my house be a home? what flooring will we have? how many rooms will there be? what paint colors will we choose? And, quickly, I am brought back to the reality that it is today.

"This is the day is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24). Don't get me wrong, I don't think God wants me to think only about "today" -- after all, he created me and I am a planner! But, getting caught up in a future that is already planned out for me, as if I have some sort of control over it, is simply a waste of my thought time. Sure, I have desires, but daydreaming about them won't get me anywhere-- and after all, God knows the deepest desires of my heart! He knows that I'd love twins, a home with a front porch, and a luscious yard! But, the todays leading up to my tomorrows are purposeful. "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12). I'm trusting God that if I set my mind on things above and allow my todays to prepare my heart for my tomorrows, that not only will he bless me, but that I will find satisfaction in each day! After all, I wouldn't want to miss the treasure that God has for me in my today....

"...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, what is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." -- Philippians 4:8

Surrender All

I woke up this morning with "surrender" heavy on my heart. God was poking at my heart to surrender, to truly trust him with some things that I am constantly battling to keep in my possession. I picture myself standing before the throne of God... "...present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." - Romans 12:1. He asks me to lay down before him and empty my hands. So, what is it that I am holding on to? Well, a variety of things. Some days I want to hold on to money or possessions, other days I want to hold on to relationships. But why?

Just as Joshua says to the Reubenites, the Gadites, and the Manasseh tribe, we are also commanded... "Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law of Moses that the servant of the LORD commanded you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments and to cling to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul." - Joshua 22:5. When I read this, several things jump out. But keeping with the topic of surrender here, serve him with all your heart and with all your soul hits the bullseye. The keyword that sticks out is all. How can we serve God with all of our heart and soul if part of our heart and soul is commited to serving something else? We are only fooling ourselves if we think this is possible.

Holding on to money, possessions, status, or relationships is keeping the heart divided. "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." - Matthew 6:24. Our hearts are drawn to things that pull us away from clinging to him every day! What are you holding on to that is hard to let go? Do you trust God with it?

We are left with a choice. Will we choose to embrace our brokenness and surrender or will we continue to fight with God to keep our hands full of things other than Him?