Recently, my husband and I were having a conversation about friendships and how they change. We decided, we don't like it.
We do not like that friendships come and go, and with time and distance undergo changes. Both of us highly value friendships. And since moving to New Jersey, we have experienced a change in the tides of ours. We are obviously much farther away from many of our close friends, which means, we are not spending time with them near as much as we did when we lived in Florida. Often, we find ourselves busy and caught up in what is going on in our day to day lives, that we don't reach out to connect with friends.... or we find ourselves waiting to hear back from a friend we left a message for. Either way, we rarely catch someone at a good time, which can be discouraging (and TOTALLY understandable!!!). There is just this natural change that occurs when a friendship is not nurtured by both parties, and I think we have seen it's magnified with distance.
We have also experienced loss of friendship recently. This has caused my heart to really grieve the loss of someone who knew me deeply. I can't stand to be at odds with others, especially those whom I once considered close friends. It's taxing. And I don't think it's how God intended for relationships to be! But again, another unfortunate change that occurs.
And we have both (separately) come face to face with the saddening reality of being more invested in a friendship than the other person. Or even to have misinterpreted a friendship relationship. It is truly heartbreaking to realize someone you deeply cherish doesn't value you or your friendship the same way. And awkward, I mean, really. What do you say? "I like you more than you like me"? We're not kindergartners. But we are humans. And it hurts to discover you're not appreciated, loved, or valued in the same way.
Is there a solution to these changes? Can't we all just be friends?
Unfortunately, no. I know I only have so much emotional energy and it's impossible for me to maintain every friendship I have ever had. But oh how I wish it weren't so. I long for deep conversation, quality time spent, and vulnerability that can only come with time. And I suppose I'm stuck to figure out these changes until heaven, where I trust friendships will be perfect.
"My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes--it also has gone from me. My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my nearest kin stand far off." - Psalm 38:10-11