Thursday, May 23, 2013

Heartbreaking Changes

Recently, my husband and I were having a conversation about friendships and how they change. We decided, we don't like it.

We do not like that friendships come and go, and with time and distance undergo changes. Both of us highly value friendships. And since moving to New Jersey, we have experienced a change in the tides of ours. We are obviously much farther away from many of our close friends, which means, we are not spending time with them near as much as we did when we lived in Florida. Often, we find ourselves busy and caught up in what is going on in our day to day lives, that we don't reach out to connect with friends.... or we find ourselves waiting to hear back from a friend we left a message for. Either way, we rarely catch someone at a good time, which can be discouraging (and TOTALLY understandable!!!). There is just this natural change that occurs when a friendship is not nurtured by both parties, and I think we have seen it's magnified with distance.

We have also experienced loss of friendship recently. This has caused my heart to really grieve the loss of someone who knew me deeply. I can't stand to be at odds with others, especially those whom I once considered close friends. It's taxing. And I don't think it's how God intended for relationships to be! But again, another unfortunate change that occurs.

And we have both (separately) come face to face with the saddening reality of being more invested in a friendship than the other person. Or even to have misinterpreted a friendship relationship. It is truly heartbreaking to realize someone you deeply cherish doesn't value you or your friendship the same way. And awkward, I mean, really. What do you say? "I like you more than you like me"? We're not kindergartners. But we are humans. And it hurts to discover you're not appreciated, loved, or valued in the same way.

Is there a solution to these changes? Can't we all just be friends?

Unfortunately, no. I know I only have so much emotional energy and it's impossible for me to maintain every friendship I have ever had. But oh how I wish it weren't so. I long for deep conversation, quality time spent, and vulnerability that can only come with time. And I suppose I'm stuck to figure out these changes until heaven, where I trust friendships will be perfect.

"My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes--it also has gone from me. My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my nearest kin stand far off." - Psalm 38:10-11


  1. I totally feel you, Allison - have experienced a ton sudden changes in friendships too this year. Hang in there!

  2. I feel ya. I feel like the last two years of International living have really magnified this in my life. When we came home from BiH I had to begin to mourn the changing of friendships. My closest friends weren't that close anymore..precisely because of that; we weren't close in distance and doing life together. All of a sudden the people who I had been doing life with for the past two years knew me better than most people. I had spent my two years longing to get home to the people who "knew" me, while almost neglecting to see those who were in the process of knowing me. It makes me sad still that relationships change, but I am thankful that God has been teaching me about His provision in this time. He provides the people we need at the time we need them. Every stage (and location) of life is different....but He'll give us people to know us through it. And that's not always a bad thing. We don't have the capacity (well, most of us don't) to be deep friends with everyone we meet. I think that changing allows us the chance to really experience the blessings of the people that God has placed in front of us and to really benefit from who they are and what they have to offer.

    Whew...I didn't know all of that was going to come out. But really all of that to say, I understand. Take heart! There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (pvbs 17:17)!

    "We meet to part, but part to meet
    When earthly labors are complete,
    To join in yet more blest employ,
    In an eternal world of joy." - This quote was one often quoted at a seminary that our friend went to. We meet to part but part to meet....our parting is necessary for life and ministry...but we'll meet again!

  3. Thank you both for your thoughts! Appreciate the encouragement =)