Serve One Another

I regularly do seemingly nice things for my husband, friends, family, and those around me. It might be cleaning up after someone else, a batch of a friend's favorite cookies, a "just thinking of you" note sent via snail mail, a homemade gift, an evening of babysitting free of charge, or even just a text that says, "praying for you today!" Why? Not because those people have earned it and certainly not because I am, in my own strength, thoughtful or giving.  But, because God has called me to be generous, loving, to serve others, and appreciate all the blessings I have been given!

We were given the ultimate example of servanthood in Jesus. "But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." - Matthew 20:26-28. So, because we are to model our lives after the perfect life Jesus lived, and he, the Most High King, came to serve others, it's safe to say we don't have an excuse! Jesus, who deserved all the praise, service, and worship, successfully modeled leadership with such humility. So how can we expect to be served, praised, and even worshipped because of who we are or what we do? Humility I think is an important factor in all of this. We have to see ourselves as undeserving before we can effectively serve others purely out of love! We are not worthy of being served by others, we don't deserve anything from anyone, and we shouldn't hold those expectations in our hearts.

It's a tough challenge we are given. "...through love serve one another." - Galatians 5:13. How do we do that? By purely loving others. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.  Love is not self-seeking. We can only serve one another out of love if our motivation is not to help ourselves. A non-example would be thinking, if I help them in this area, then surely they'll help me in this area, especially because I've helped them! They'll owe it to me! When we are more others-focused than self-focused, we will better lovingly serve.

Who do you need to serve out of love today? How can you grow in the area of serving without self-seeking? How can you serve others around you more/better? I encourage you, and will be doing so too myself, to check your heart motives along the way! Serve out of love!


"...let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." - 1 John 3:18

Time is Love

God has called me to be a child of His, who walks in the path of righteousness. "He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." - Psalm 23:3 He desires that I remain on the path of righteousness, not just for my sake, but for a greater purpose... for His own glory! Someone recently asked me, "how do you spell love? .... t-i-m-e." In order to remain on the path He has chosen for me, I must spend time with Him, learning His ways! "Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it." - Psalm 119:35 Before all else, God wants to know me, and I want to know Him. The God of the universe and I have an intimate relationship! It truly is mind blowing! He serves best as Lord of my life, when I spend time with Him by mediating on His Word and allow His Holy Spirit to lead me. It is an honor and blessing to be able to sit down and just be with my Lord, Savior, Lover, Provider, and Protector.

Do you take time to rest and be still with him? God desires to know us, and how better than through some quality time?!

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" - Psalm 46:10

Ten Ways to Love: Way #1

The other day, I saw Beckah Shae post the photo below on her Twitter and Instagram account. However, it wasn't until today, that I was inspired to write this list down to keep handy. I also wanted to look up all of the coordinating references with each "way to love" listed. 

Today, I got through just number one. I read Proverbs 18 and immediately was drawn into the depth of wisdom. Verse 1 reads, "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgement." As I pondered over this verse, I thought about how many people whom I know, who have not listened to those around them-- who care deeply for their well being. I was filled with concern with people who are making seemingly rash decisions based on their own desires, not what may be best, and ignoring wise counsel from those around them, or in authority over them. Without reading any further, God used that verse alone to remind me of the importance of accountability, authority, and community in each of our lives. Without it, we are bound to reap destruction. 

As I read further, it became clear why Proverbs 18 is the reference used for "way to love #1" ... 

LISTEN WITHOUT INTERRUPTING

"A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." - Proverbs 18:2

"A fools mouth is his ruin..." - Proverbs 18:7

"If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame." - Proverbs 18:13

These verses give more depth to listening without interrupting. How many of us are guilty of "listening" to someone while in all actuality, the entire time they are talking, we are formulating our response? 

From experience, I know how meaningful it can be when one listens intently, assessing what has been said, and then responding. My husband will tell you that often times, I do not share expecting a response or solution to a problem.... I usually just want to be heard. And interrupting would give me the impression that hearing me is not important. 

A helpful skill in listening without interrupting is active listening. One way that Tyler and I practice active listening and attempt to avoid miscommunication is after one of us shares something, the other person will respond with "I am hearing you say...." This allows for correction, while also forcing the listener to actively listen. Unfortunately, we are not perfect in this and miscommunicate! But, we do our best to listen to one another in a way that communicates love.

Who do you need to listen to more, while interrupting less?

Forgiveness

Why should we forgive others? Well, for starters, we are called to.

"Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven." - Matthew 18:21-22

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." - Matthew 6:14

My Pastor has recently been going through the book of Philemon, focusing on forgiveness. Below is last Sunday's sermon he preached. It was quite good, which is why I thought to share it!

Pastor Ken Whitten: The Language of Forgiveness

One of the things he started the series with was asking the congregation at Idlewild, who comes to mind when we talk about forgiveness? So, that's what I want to ask you. Who comes to mind when the topic of forgiveness comes up? Is it an ex-husband/boyfriend, ex-wife/girlfriend, parent, roommate, sibling, co-worker? Everybody thinks of someone....which is a great starting place to begin the process of forgiveness.

The person who comes to my mind when I think about forgiveness is someone who caused me many years of deep pain. But when I think of that person, I no longer think, it'd be great if I could just reach the place of being able to forgive them. I now think, I hope to continue on this path of making the constant choice of walking in forgiveness. And man, how freeing! That person certainly did not need me to forgive them. But I needed to forgive them, for myself. It allowed me to move on from holding onto bitterness, disappointment, resentment, and anger. Now, when that person comes to mind, I am no longer filled with anxiety or even sadness, but I am excited that God has given me the ability to forgive, care for, and even love this person (again).

There are several wonderful resources available on the topic of forgiveness. Here are just a few...

Want to be Happy? Forgive Your Enemies -- by Donald Miller

Forgiveness and Restoration -- by Rose Sweet (Focus on the Family)

Changes That Heal -- by Dr. Henry Cloud

10 Things Forgiveness is Not -- by Pastor Mark Driscoll (Mars Hill Church)


Now, what's holding you back, from choosing to forgive that person who has wronged or hurt you? God has forgiven us for all that we have done to wrong Him. That's motivation enough for me to practice the choice of forgiveness. And I sure hope you feel encouraged and better equipped to move towards making the choice to forgive your person.


"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32

Tank on Low?

Today, Tyler and I quizzed one another with the Love Language Profiles in Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

Questions we often ask one another are, "how can I love you better?" or "how is your love tank?" For me, I sometimes find it difficult to articulate how my love tank can be filled more or how Tyler can do a better job of showing me love. So, I thought maybe insights from Gary Chapman would help me.

Well, to no surprise, my primary love language is gifts and Tyler's is physical touch. So, I skimmed through Chapter 8 to find some ideas on how to love Tyler more through his primary love language. Although I found some helpful ideas, what I realized is that loving through physical touch does not come as naturally to me as expressing love through gifts, or even acts of service. I have to choose to show Tyler love in the way he best receives it. This will certainly take effort on my part, but will it be worth it? Absolutely! And it will be fun! I hope to continue to brain storm ideas on how to better fill Tyler's love tank through his primary and secondary love languages.

Who do you have to choose to love? Are you showing them love how it comes most natural to you, or how they best receive it? Do others around you know how you best receive love?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking..." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Proverbs 31

Many of you may know I absolutely LOVE Beckah Shae. I think she is talented beyond words and steps out of the ordinary to reach the world through music! She writes and sings, while her husband produces. I was first introduced to her music a few years ago when she played a show at a church in Tampa. After her album Destiny came out, I was absolutely sold. Not to mention, she has stuff like this on YouTube!

Ok, on a slightly different note.... Annually, Victoria's Secret does a fashion show that is airs on CBS. In the last year or two, I have seen more on Facebook and Twitter about Proverbs 31 during the show than ever before! How encouraging!! From that, a quote has become popular, "I'd rather be a Proverbs 31 woman than a Victoria's Secret model." I couldn't agree more. And when I stumbled across one of Beckah Shae's "Scripture Snacks" titled Woman, I was reminded of that quote.

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:25, 26, 30

I hope you enjoy and are inspired to live a life as a Proverbs 31 woman... giving glory to God!

(Beckah Shae's Scripture Snack Volume 1 is available for purchase on iTunes)

Take the Initiative

As I've already shared, I don't always come across friendship all that easily. To help grow from a self-wallowing, pouting, pity party thrower into a socially developed person with flourishing friendships, I have decided to take the initiative! Taking the initiative is not always easy - what if your idea is shot down? what if people say no? These are my fears in being the one to take the initiative, but someone has to, right?!

But I don't just want to be the one to suggest a get together or invite someone to an event. I long for more than that. I desire meaningful friendship, community with people who love and care for one another. Unfortunately, all the initiation in the world doesn't promise cultivating that type of relationship. And since being out of college, I have found that authentic community is hard to come by. I want people to ask me deep, heart, "get-to-know-the-real-me" questions and I want to know people in the same way!

That's where I'm stuck. There is no formula to develop these friendships, no set of appropriate questions that lead to especially meaningful conversation... but oh how I wish there was! My generation seems to be stuck in the "this will do until something better comes along" mentality (hence the "maybe" button on Facebook invites!). Whatever happened to bloom where you're planted and seize the day? I don't see many people diving head first into relationships that will foster growth and community. Are we as a culture too guarded? Are we afraid of commitment? Is it our pride that leads us to build walls that don't allow people to see us for who we really are? What is the hold up? We, myself included, are missing out on the community we need -- the type of community that God designed for us! What is holding you back from being the one to take the initiative, to ask the hard questions, or maybe to answer the heart level questions? What is keeping you from knowing people, and being known?

Take the initiative, be real, love people.

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God..." - 1 John 4:7

Boys or Men?

The other evening, I was watching Grey's Anatomy with my husband. In the tenth episode of the  third season, the chief of surgery says to one of his top surgeons, "I am tired of you men acting like boys!" In the two following episodes, there is a theme of fatherhood. This all got me thinking about the importance of men.

First, let me share that yes, I am a woman and I know I am a woman. I cannot accurately tell men what they should be doing or how to best do so. However, I can share, from experience, what the women in men's lives need and expect from them... and how damaging it can be if the men don't provide that.

Every woman has men in her life-- a husband, father, step-father, grandfather, brother, son, cousin, friends... And those men play important roles in the lives of women around them. When these men fail to provide safe and loving relationships with the women in their lives, or act like immature boys rather than responsible and courageous men, the women reap the consequences. Women are to be led, cherished, and loved by men -- this is a picture of God's love! From experience, I have had many damaging relationships with men, but I have also had some very special, healthy, and uplifting relationships with Godly men. Those positive relationships with men have given me a better picture of the love God has for me and has helped [begin to] mold me into the woman God designed me to be.

So here's my question:
Ladies- are the men in your life living up to the standards of manhood? are you settling for what the world says a man is?
Men- are you living a life of immaturity and passivity, or are you taking every opportunity you have to share with the women in your life just how precious they are? are you following God's lead in how to appropriately lead the women in your life?

Men and women need each other. God designed us that way. So men, stop acting like boys.

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." - Genesis 2:18

Love Like You Mean It

Love. Such a loaded word. In today's culture, we "love" so many things that I think the word has lost some of it's value. I remember as a school-aged kid writing I :heart: ____ (insert boys name) on my hand in colorful gel pen. That certainly wasn't love, the name changed regularly, but I was being fooled by the world at an early age about love.

The phrase "I love you" is something my husband says to me several times each day. And he sincerely means it! I remember the first time Tyler said those three words. We were indulging on cheesecake under the stars when he turned to me and expressed that he loved me. My response: "Are you sure?" Poor guy. He was sure! And as we're now into our second year of marriage, he continues to pursue, woo, and love me.

The Bible tells me in several places that I am loved by the Lord: "The LORD your God...will quiet you by his love." - Zephaniah 3:17, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you." - John 15:9, "...the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:20, "We love because he first loved us." - 1 John 4:19 and in so many other passages! I first heard about the love of God when I was a five year old girl. My neighbor, who was six or seven years old at the time, told me that if I asked Jesus to live in my heart that I would live forever. It is because of God's unending love that he desires us to be with Him in perfect relationship, for all eternity!

Last night I had an exciting and emotional "ah-ha!" moment. Before last night, I could have written the above text and meant every single word. But after last night, those words have both meaning and depth. It hit me that I am passionately loved by both my God and my husband-- in spite of my imperfections, both inside and out. What an overwhelming thing to have hit you at once! I was crying uncontrollably; one because I have been married for almost a year and a half and just now am realizing that my husband actually loves me the way he says he does --no matter what I look like or how crazy I can be-- and two because even though my heart is full of sin and my body is wasting away, God loves me! "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6 The Lord knows I am still imperfect, but with patience, He grows me all the while, loving me. Man oh man! What a blessed lil lady I am!!

There are not words to describe just how grateful I am that my husband's love teaches me about the Lord's love.


"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
 - Ephesians 5:25

Once Fatherless

Ok, some quick family background:
I have a younger brother, James, who is about 3 years younger than me. Our parents were divorced in 1996. James and I have a tight bond because we were each other's only "constant." We would go back and forth from our mom's house to our dad's, but we were always together! Our parent's divorce affected us differently and we tend to handle our emotions very differently. Here's some more of my story....

April 2003, my life changed forever.
My daddy and I had always butt heads, for as far back as I can remember. But during the spring semester of my freshman year in high school, he decided to release court ruling for my visitations with him. It was hard for me to be "happy" with that, as I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression earlier that school year. But it was a relief to feel as though I was gaining back control of my life. During my middle school and into my freshman year of high school, I got in a lot of trouble with my dad; I was constantly being grounded, punished, and having privileges revoked. Now, some may say I was rebellious, and that could be true, but deep down, I think what I was crying out for was love. I felt controlled and manipulated, not loved. As wise of a decision it may have been at the time for me and my family, for my dad to wave custody rights, it hurt. What I think I felt was, "you are not worth fighting for." Look at every fairytale.... girls want to have someone fight for them! And as a young teenager, I needed that man to be my daddy. [From here, there is obviously a lot more to the story, however, specific details are not important in this particular telling.]
It wasn't until February 2011 that my daddy and I saw each other, for the first time, in almost 8 years. He invited me to a college basketball game. My husband, Tyler, and I decided to go! I was nervous, excited, and relieved!!! After all, MY DADDY WANTED ME AGAIN!!! Our time at the game was great, I got to share about what all had happened in my life... I graduated from high school (minor miracle since at one point I was failing most of my classes), graduated from college, and had gotten married! And it was wonderful just to hear his voice and to see his face. A couple weeks after that game I received a message from my daddy that brought me to tears. What he said is not what I want to highlight (I do not think poorly of my daddy and do not want to leave you thinking poorly of him either!), but what I heard and felt. As I received his message, I felt unlovable and unworthy of love. For the past year, we have not gotten together or really been in touch. If I had it my way, that would not be the case. I miss my daddy, as any girl would!
But I want to go back to my feelings of being unlovable and unworthy of love....because thus far this story brings a lot of bad news and there is Good News! During my high school years, I met someone who taught me what love really is, and proved that I was indeed loved very deeply. He is my Heavenly Father. When my earthly father left me feeling abandoned and unloved, my Heavenly Father intervened to say, "I chose you" (John 15:16) and  "I love you" (John 15:12). This brought me such hope! God was not asking me to keep rules in order to be loved or approved- He loves me, period! But years after finding this True Love, I have to constantly battle the temptation to gain love and approval of others. The only One whose love I need is the Lord's.

I am so grateful that God met me right where I was, and used such a horrific experience (for any young girl) to woo me and show me true love. As for my daddy, I continue to hope and pray for a reconciled relationship someday as well as that he would find True Love as I have! And I also believe that God can use your sometimes unfortunate circumstances to woo you, and show you that He loves you dearly.

"For my father and mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in." - Psalm 27:10

Friendship

My husband, Tyler, often goes out for "guys nights" or has Saturdays full of flag football. But me, I struggle to get time with friends (mostly because so many of my friends are now not local to me) and so friendship has been on my heart recently. We were all created for relationship, with God and each other. But friendships have not always come easy for me. Growing up, my friends were those who enjoyed the same activities as me, laughed when I laughed, slipped me notes in class, or happened to be involved in my seasonal sport or activity. Some friends have stuck with me through the highs and the lows, while others bailed as soon as things got tough. I remember in high school, I was battling depression. A friend of mine, who I had been very close to since elementary school, told me that I cried too much and she no longer wanted to be my friend. Whew! Talk about tough times in teenage years! So, as I have seen in my life, some friends come and some go.

It was not until I met my friend Nicole that I realized the true meaning of friendship. Two verses from the Bible stick out to me when I think of my friendship with Nicole. "A friend loves at all times." - Proverbs 17:17 and "As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another." -Proverbs 27:17. Nicole and I met in high school- we had  Marine Biology the same period and we were both cheerleaders. Once we became friends, there was no way out. And this was new to me. Shortly after we became friends, I placed my faith in Christ and became a Christian! So the whole, friendship with Jesus involved thing was really new for me. She showed me love and faithfulness unlike any friend I had ever had... because she had a personal relationship with God. There was a season (right after high school and into college) that I distanced myself from Nicole. I ran from her friendship.... because she had a close relationship with God.... and I wanted to also distance myself from Him in order to attempt satisfying my desires my way rather than His way. You are probably thinking, "what a jerk you were!" and "poor Nicole!" And rightly so! She stuck by me through prayer, love, and encouragement even when I had turned my back on her and our God. She welcomed me back into a close friendship with no conditions, just love.... 4 years ago this Thanksgiving.

Nicole has taught me so much about friendship. And in the last 4 years, we have been able to grow in the Lord together, encourage one another, support each other, and stand up as MOH's at each other's weddings! I am so thankful that God brought a friend like Nicole into my life to teach me what it means to be a friend. It is not about laughing at the same things, enjoying the same activities, or passing notes (or these days texts) in class. But it is about love, encouragement, and most of all, Jesus. I cherish my friendship with the few close friends that I have, because I know, they are founded on the Lord and they will last!

"But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." - Hebrews 3:13

To Know & Be Known

A list of Facebook friends or Twitter followers is not an accurate account of who knows us, or who we know. And when you think about who knows you the best, in the whole world, who would you say that person is? Your mother, father, husband, wife, daughter, son, best friend? If it's any of those, I would tell you that you are wrong.

The Bible says, in Psalm 139:13-16, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." And in Matthew 10:30, "But even the hairs of your head are all numbered."

Bottom line: God knows you, inside and out and in ways no human will ever be able to. Even the smallest of details- such as how many hair strands are on your head. Wow, seriously? That is insane to really sit down and think about. Not only does God know every detail to my body, but He knows what goes on in my head and my heart- not even my husband knows that! (Trust me, I hope that Tyler will have a breakthrough and be able to read my mind, but I'm coming to the reality, that he will never ever ever be able to read my mind... haha!) Ok, so God knows you and me and everyone on earth inside and out. Cool, now what?

Well, imagine your favorite childhood star. Mine = Britney Spears. I know facts about her, trials she has gone through in her life, and lyrics to almost all of her songs (at least the early ones). But if I passed her on the street, she would have no idea who I was. The sad truth, this is how some us are with God. He knows us full and well and many of us think that's enough for Him.... and enough for us. To have a true RELATIONSHIP with someone, it must must must go both ways! (Otherwise, it's kind of creepy if you think about it.) God wants us to get to know Him! He desires that our eyes see His beautiful creation, that our hearts feel His presence through His Holy Spirit, and that our hope rests in His Son's return to earth. And since He's God, there is so much to know about Him, that we cannot ever get bored. He's our Father, Lover, Savior, Redeemer, Provider .... everything!

Have you gotten to know God? He knows you, but don't settle with that. Run to Him, seek Him, and get to know your Creator! It's worth it. Trust me.

Devotion

de·vo·tion
noun

1. profound dedication; consecration.

2. earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.

We are all devoted to something. There are even those of us who are determined to not be devoted to something, which ends up being our devotion....

I've recently been feeling like I'm crazy. Which, is not so much out of the ordinary, for me to feel that way. However, I'm wrestling with God about my devotion. I have been pouring my heart and soul into something and I seem to be the only one who is truly devoted to it. But, He asked me to do it.... so I can't stop now. He's called me to finish strong! BUT I LOOK CRAZY! I FEEL CRAZY! Then I remember, it doesn't matter who sees me as crazy. As long as they know Who I am crazy about.

Today, on my Twitter feed, I read, "If you sat in a court room facing charges for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to prove you are guilty?" I got to thinking. I certainly hope so! I hope through my devotion, it would be clear.... my devotion to the Lord above all, my devotion and comittment to my husband, my devotion to my job and the lives of those I pour into.... But most importantly, I hope that God sees my devotion, for Him. I hope as He sits on His heavenly throne, He is pleased with me and always notes of my devotion to Him, knowing that I am His and He is mine! Even when I may appear crazy to everyone else.

What or who are you devoted to? Is it obvious to others that you are indeed devoted?