Boundaries

Early on in my walk with the Lord, I was introduced to the work of, now, some of my favorite authors.... Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. As a college student, I read Changes That Heal and Boundaries in Dating. Combined, these books gave me great insight on the topic of boundaries. I'd like to say that I learned all I can about boundaries and have successfully applied the principles to my life. But, it's like this specific lesson is on repeat for me.

Ok, so what is a boundary? Well, I'll share what Cloud and Townsend have to say about it....

Simply put, a boundary is a property line. Just as a physical fence marks out where your yard ends and your neighbor's begins, a personal boundary distinguishes what is your emotional or personal property, and what belongs to someone else. You can't see your own boundary. However, you can tell it is there when someone crosses it. When another person tries to control you, tries to get too close to you, or asks you to do something you don't think is right, you should feel some sense of protest. Your boundary has been crossed.

Boundaries serve two important functions. First, they define us. Boundaries show what we are and are not; what we agree and disagree with; what we love and hate. The second function of boundaries is that they protect us. Boundaries keep good things in, and bad things out. When we don't have clear limits, we can expose ourselves to unhealthy and destructive influences and people.

Lately, the topic of boundaries has been extremely prevalent in my life. It is hard and sometimes uncomfortable to set boundaries. But, if I don't keep the pattern of setting and maintaining healthy, appropriate boundaries with people, I will end up suffocating and suffering in many ways.

I need boundaries because....

• I want to grow as an adult! If others are constantly trying to do for me or even help me to the extent that I am not given an opportunity to make decisions for myself, I will be overly dependent on others. While yes, I absolutely 100% need authority in my life, I do not need to be controlled. Rather I need to be guided and led so that I can learn and grow.
• I am responsible for what is inside my boundaries. The more I allow people in and they begin messing around within my boundaries, the more chaotic things will become and it will be out of my control, although still my responsibility! To avoid the chaos, I want to invite healthy, safe people into my life who will help me while respecting my boundaries.
• I need to be my own person. With boundaries, I will be my own person, apart from others.
• Without appropriate boundaries, I am at risk of being controlled, manipulated, and even (emotionally) abused by others. 

As I continue on my journey of learning about and setting boundaries, I am amazed at how gracious our God is! Not once has He given up on me because I must revisit this same lesson over and over. He's so good, that He even brings new things to my attention to increase the depth of the lesson. I am grateful that God is patient with me, that I am created in His image, and that He is not yet finished with me!

Do you need to evaluate your boundaries? Are you letting others in at the expense of your emotional or Spiritual health? Who do you need to set boundaries with, in your life?


"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6


[Excerpt from Boundaries in Dating (pg. 28-29) by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend]

Forgiveness

Why should we forgive others? Well, for starters, we are called to.

"Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven." - Matthew 18:21-22

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." - Matthew 6:14

My Pastor has recently been going through the book of Philemon, focusing on forgiveness. Below is last Sunday's sermon he preached. It was quite good, which is why I thought to share it!

Pastor Ken Whitten: The Language of Forgiveness

One of the things he started the series with was asking the congregation at Idlewild, who comes to mind when we talk about forgiveness? So, that's what I want to ask you. Who comes to mind when the topic of forgiveness comes up? Is it an ex-husband/boyfriend, ex-wife/girlfriend, parent, roommate, sibling, co-worker? Everybody thinks of someone....which is a great starting place to begin the process of forgiveness.

The person who comes to my mind when I think about forgiveness is someone who caused me many years of deep pain. But when I think of that person, I no longer think, it'd be great if I could just reach the place of being able to forgive them. I now think, I hope to continue on this path of making the constant choice of walking in forgiveness. And man, how freeing! That person certainly did not need me to forgive them. But I needed to forgive them, for myself. It allowed me to move on from holding onto bitterness, disappointment, resentment, and anger. Now, when that person comes to mind, I am no longer filled with anxiety or even sadness, but I am excited that God has given me the ability to forgive, care for, and even love this person (again).

There are several wonderful resources available on the topic of forgiveness. Here are just a few...

Want to be Happy? Forgive Your Enemies -- by Donald Miller

Forgiveness and Restoration -- by Rose Sweet (Focus on the Family)

Changes That Heal -- by Dr. Henry Cloud

10 Things Forgiveness is Not -- by Pastor Mark Driscoll (Mars Hill Church)


Now, what's holding you back, from choosing to forgive that person who has wronged or hurt you? God has forgiven us for all that we have done to wrong Him. That's motivation enough for me to practice the choice of forgiveness. And I sure hope you feel encouraged and better equipped to move towards making the choice to forgive your person.


"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32

Olympics: More than Sport

This summer, London will host the 2012 Olympic Games. In about sixteen days, the opening ceremonies will begin and make way for the competition of thirty-six sports!

When I think of the Olympics, I think of highly competitive sport, athletes with pure determination, and a world stage that brings honor to many countries. But, this video shows that there is indeed so much more to it than that. As the "Road to London" becomes more narrow, I wanted to share a video that is both inspiring and moving. Hope you enjoy!

Struggle and Triumph

"Do you know that in a race all runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable." - 1 Corinthians 9:24-26

Reading List

As an elementary school aged child, my mother signed me up for the Babysitters Club Book Club. I hated to read. Reading bored me more than anything else! As a member of the Babysitters Club Book Club, the books would come by the tens or so each month. Is that a joke? The pressure I felt to read these books probably contributed to the perfectionistic tendencies I have today. I could not possibly read them all before the next batch came, so why even try? was my thought. Needless to say, that book club unfortunately ended up being a waste of money.

It wasn't until college that I began to enjoy reading. I finally found books that challenged me and seemed purposeful to read. I am grateful for the turn around in my attitude towards reading, because I realize now that books are such a valuable resource!

I am finishing up a book that has been hard not to read in one sitting. And as I finish this one, I have one lined up to read next. My list of books read and to-read got me thinking... there are so many good books out there, but often times it's hard to know if the one you pick up off the shelf at the bookstore is going to be good and worth the purchase. I have read these books over the past few years and would highly recommend them:

• Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
• A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers
• Completely His: Loving Jesus Without Limits by Shannon Ethridge (and accompanying devotionals!)
• Every Woman's Battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment by Shannon Ethridge
• Changes That Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud
• Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
• How People Grow by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
• Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
• The Search for Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God's Eyes by Robert S. McGee
• Wilderness Skills for Women: How to Survive Heartbreak and Other Full-Blown Meltdowns by Marian Jordan
• Sex and the City Uncovered: Exposing the Emptiness and Healing the Hurt by Marian Jordan
• Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Staci Eldredge
• The Master Plan of Evangelism by Robert Emerson Coleman
• Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper
• Soul Print by Mark Batterson
• In A Pit With A Lion on A Snowy Day by Mark Batterson

The books on my shelf and "to-read" list:

• Radiant: Living as Light in a Dark World by Marian Jordan
• Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy by Gary Thomas
• To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future by Dan Alendar
• Personal Disciplemaking: A Step-By-Step Guide for Leading a New Christian From Birth to Maturity by Christopher Adsit  

What books have you recently read, enjoyed, and are worth recommending? Are there any books you have lined up to read next?

What Do You Believe?

Over the past several weeks, I have been going through training for my new job with Athletes in Action. During the training, I have taken two seminary courses- Bible Study Methods and Introduction to Christian Theology. While in these courses, I was faced with a harsh reality... there are many different beliefs out there! It was not long before it was evident that I needed to not only know what I believed, but also how to articulate my beliefs.
Why is it important to know what you believe?
There is a saying that says, "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." So true! Until you know what you believe, you will be more likely to take the word of another person as truth, rather than the Word of God. As Christians, not only do we need to understand the basics of our faith, but we need to dig to find out what it is that we, individually, believe to be true. I do not think I realized how many different "acceptable in the Christian circle" views on things there were....just to name a few: creation/evolution, birth control, drinking, the accuracy of the Bible. For most of my Christian life, I have chosen to not think too deeply into controversial topics and to "live by faith". Well, that was really ignorant of me. God blessed me with a sound mind and has called me (and you!) to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (Matthew 22:37). Loving with all my heart, soul, and mind requires fully investing myself using all three of those! So I am now using my mind to really search and make conclusions about my beliefs on specific issues.

Here are some starting points to start thinking and searching through to narrow down and understand what it is you believe (but don't limit yourself to this list!):

• What do you believe about the Bible?
• What do you believe about who God is? who Jesus is? who the Holy Spirit is? Do you believe the three are related in any way? How?
• How do you believe the earth was formed? What about animals, people...?
• What do you believe a person becomes a Christian?
• Once a person is a Christian, do you believe that they can lose their salvation?
• When does life begin?
• Do you believe in heaven? Do you believe in hell? If so, when does a person go to either heaven or hell?
• What do you believe about baptism?

Ok, so once I have figured out what it is that I believe... then what?
I'm glad you asked!

First, I would look into what it is your church or (your ministry) believes. I know for me, I want to go to a church that I agree with and can fully support! Again, that list is a starting point.... and my personal thoughts. But I certainly see the value and importance for knowing what your church believes and attending a church with beliefs you agree with and support. Check your church's website for their statement of faith to find out what they believe.

• What do they believe about the Bible? [If you come across words you do not know (such as inerrant, infallible, canonicity, etc.) look them up!!!]
• What does your church believe about how a person becomes a Christian?
• What do they believe about who God is? who Jesus is? who the Holy Spirit is? Do they believe the three are related in any way? How?
• Once a person is a Christian, do they believe that the person can lose their salvation?
• Do they believe in heaven? Do they believe in hell? If so, when does a person go to either heaven or hell?
• What do they believe about baptism?

Secondly, I would dig into Scripture! Once you have settled on your beliefs about the Bible, search through for other answers on topics. Can you back up your beliefs with what the Bible says? Also, look at the context! One verse may be misleading if taken out of context. Most importantly, be prepared to combat false teachings with the Truth you have found! Hope this is encouraging and that your journey of belief discovery is exciting and eye-opening.

Expect Miracles

Currently, I am reading A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers. I cannot put it down! [She is such a captivating author. If you have never read any of her books, you are missing out and I recommend getting into your bookstore as soon as possible to appreciate this woman's gift of writing!] Through my time spent reading A Lineage of Grace I am learning a lot, since it is based on five women of the Bible. The first four women are all from the Old Testament (Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba) which has opened my eyes to so much that the Old Testament holds. God specifically is drawing out the miracles mentioned to grasp my attention.

This God of the Old Testament is the same God we serve today. "For I the LORD do not change..." -Malachi 3:6 However, I know I am guilty of minimizing His power and might to be less today than it was in Bible times. If God does not change, why would the magnitude of His miracles change? God provided a way for the Israelites to cross the Jordan River to claim the land He promised them. "the waters coming down from above stood and rose up in a heap very far away, at Adam, the city that is beside Zarethan, and those flowing down toward the Sea of Arabah, the Salt Sea, were completely cut off. And the people passed over opposite Jericho. Now the priests bearing the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firmly on dry ground in the midst of the Jordan, and all Israel was passing over on dry ground until the nation finished passing over the Jordan." -Joshua 3:16-17 And for some reason, there are many times I doubt that God will provide such simple things like food, money, and housing  for me. How ridiculous! I believe He is good, He loves me, and has a plan for my life. Why would I then not believe He would exude power to achieve that plan?
I am now feel challenged to pray, truly believing in the same, powerful God that performed miracles in the Old Testament.

"Great are the works of the LORD, studied by all who delight in them. Full of splendor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever." -Psalm 111:2-3